naughty or nice ........ dosent matter give me what i want

Sooo to get in the christmas spirit ive decided to make a christmas list (always worked when i was little)so heres my wish list

• john mayer and or johnny depp with columbus short or juelz santana as back ups
  
• shoes!!! i loves shoes and i want lots of them shoes aree the best thing to ever happen to people. any form of mary janes makes me happy and i only like high heels and nothing pointy toe (looks witchy)
• 
  
• fafi ------>is a graffiti artist she draws hot girls and loves her so i either want one of her drawings (u can buy them ) orrr a shirt with the girls on it they are like the best thing ever
• money is always nice .....bitch i love money I'm a fucking fanatic
• a tattoo or more then one :) i needs more
• tongue rings like seriously i lost all mine the balls just roll off
• clothes i guess but only if u have good taste
• anything dealing with stars, peace sign, or just cute accessories :)
• candy cause "i want candy da da da dum dum"
• SIDE NOTE THIS IS KINDA HARD I DONT REALLY WANT ANYTHING
• ummm a big party lol with all my friends would be kinda nice but if someone else gets everyone there and works out all the details i just show up
• a trip tooo london (big wishful thinking)
• LOVE ♥

smooches hope you get everything you want this year lovers

you clicked your heels and wished for me

hollllaaaa

I'm freezing like seriously its super cold in my house

Christmas is Thursday i thought it was in like two weeks

it doesn't feel like Christmas AT all

nothing is the same any more

hope i have fun new years eve

i hate the saying "new year new me " HA HA lies

hope 2009 is wayyyyy better then 2008 cause this year sucked ass i almost clocked out

went up to msu had fun drinking, hanging, sleeping, you know doing college things

finally decided to go to school i want to be a psychiatrist

:)

love me please

K

believe in me because i was made for chasing dreams

"Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high.
Then life seems almost enchanted after all".

I'm a pouty teenager forever
i have nothing important to say but
cant shut the hell up
i will be significant one day
now is the test to see if i am who
i think i am

"I love you in the same way
There's a chapel in a hospital
One foot in your bedroom
And one foot out the door
Sometimes we take chances
Sometimes we take pills
I could write it better
Than you ever felt it"


i love everything about you that hurts......................

Hold me up .....i'm falling

what do you do when you notice you are one step away from being alone.
i have many friends but they all seem to be gone and i haven't noticed till now it may be because Laura is moving.
everyone is scattered all over and sure they visit but what about in between I've had these friends for so long I've forgotten how to make new ones. I'm sure as I'm sitting in class in January which i haven't done since last January I'll be observing everyone wondering would they want to be my friend or no would i allow them to be.

it reminds me of a little girl with long hair and a cute little round face sitting in a new school in a uniform which no one else has on. shes a little scared but more wondering whats gonna happen next. all of a sudden a girl next to her slides her a note it says will you be my best friend circle yes or no. she immediately circles no and pushes it back across the table. the other girl is extremely hurt BUT she doesn't care at all.....

because of that my mom says I'm mean and I've always been judgemental. i don't think I'm mean I'm just very selective about the people i have around me. now i don't have to worry so much because there's no one around me

song I'm listening to: northern downpour- panic at the disco

quote of the day: We must be our own before we can be another's. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

back like i forgot something

I'm extremely sleepy and cold sitting in my home

I'm thinking about lots and lots of stuff so i was just texting a someone and he asked me why I'm always playing games and i responded i always play games

i wonder is that a problem

i think right now i just don't want a boy around for a while like i just don't care about that anymore I'm like horrible at it any way



i just don't want it but i do I'm soo foolish i can never stay on one side I'm not sure if I'm confused or if i just want everything


---- man imma be gone you ain't never seen a nigga be gone like imma be gone---


soo Laura is trying to get me to move to Arizona with her and stefanie I'm thinking I'm thinking


i think I'm done i dont really feel like actually saying anything .................

think too much say too little that's meeeeeeeeee


gosh who will save me from myself


song I'm listening to: little wonders - rob Thomas

quote of the day: Lollipop Must mistake me you're a sucker
To think that I Would be a victim of another

cold hard b@*#h

Hello im sitting here cold, angry, hungry and did i mention cold and oh yeah a lil drowsy its like ok ive been sleeping a lot but yet im still sleepy it sucks ass

ive also been eating yogurt its like good but while im eating it im like super grossed out cause its yogurt

"love is not a victory march its a cold and its a broken hallelujah"

i'm a little hating guys right now no no a lot ha maybe because i dont know, of how they treat me or the things they say which if u were and outsider looking in u would think whats the problem they all seem to like u and be very nice about it BUT noooo i know when its just sex u want from me and excuse me sir but i dont like to be viewed as just a sex object (not all the time ha)

why dont boys just say things like i would really like to have sex with you and nothing else because of course i would be like how dare u gosh lol but i would appreciate it more than all this empty conversation filled with empty words. its just all a waste of time and i already know what u want and i know if im gonna give it to u or not so shit leave me alone

Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting, give me
Cold hard bitch
She was shakin' her hips
That's all that I need

hmm since my music is soo random right now breath is on so its kinda calming me down but yet its making me feel sad but now n.e.r.d is on so im ok and maybe want to do drugs ha music is so powerful

now staind its been a while is on hmm which is making me wonder does any of my ex boyfriends (the ones that matter) ok no all of them ha do they ever miss me because i would like to be missed. you know i want to be the inspirational type that gets songs wrote about her and stuff

i need to be washing clothes and eating maybe and picking out what im gonna wear tomorrow night. or maybe i'll just go back to sleep

song im listening to: got til its gone-janet jackson

Quote of the day : she is not thee kind of girl who likes to tell the world about the way she feels about herself

dont look away baby................its only life

I watched across the universe today (its a movie/ musical set in the 60's about two people who fall in love all the songs are Beatles songs) it was awesome lol well i mean i love musicals and the Beatles you know once they started doing drugs but any hoo it made me feel wonderous (for a second)

like yeah life is gonna suck but all u need is love and good friends ...........................

hmmm its so hard sometimes i want to just give up on trying to reach this life i dream about and just go to college get some stupid degree and work in a cubicle forever
u know have some crappy love less marriage with kids i can hardly see because I'm always at work while living in some suburb

I'm just wondering is living suppose to be enjoyable all the time or is it just chasing these highs that result in unbelievable lows. that's how it feels now like the years haven't been good years but just these amazing sparks of time surrounded by darkness

I guess that's why the hippie movement ended because what they wanted was not attainable in such a dark and destructive world like even if no one else is trying to kill your dream u might just do it on your own

it makes me not want to have kids because i would never want them to feel like life wasn't full of attainable hopes and dreams

I'm not saying my dream isn't able to become reality but will it even be worth it when we struggle and try so hard to get there and then we realize we didn't enjoy more than a few seconds of life

it all just seems so hopeless sometimes ............. but like if i dont try if i dont have some kinda hope then maybe i wont really be alive


Across the universe -The beatles
Words are flying out
like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love
which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

easy like sunday morning

Its Saturday and I'm sitting in my wonderfully warm robe and watching atl (its on bet) i don't know i felt the need to ramble and my diary only has two pages before its done :( I'm saving them for something good like when i finally stop being stupid or something

i was at target earlier and omg i saw the cutest boy :) i miss those days when u were like omg he is hot then u follow him around school for weeks with your friends or was that just me.......... any way yeah it almost made me want to get a job at target but i can picture us like making out in the toy section and then me getting in trouble I'm not sure that's a bad thing

GOSH he wassss extremely cute though yay for target but my mom ,while i was in the middle of day dreaming about him as he walked towards me in slow motion ;) said oh he looks like your ex boyfriend (referring to Brandon) which i got offensive and said omg no he doesn't u think everyone looks like him (lately like every random boy on TV or on the streets looks like Brandon to her which she has to then inform me GOSH )

He looked nothing like him so i thought but ho hum moving on

things Ive learned lately

candy corn + bread sticks from olive garden = bologna taste in your mouth = not good

rain forest products will make your hair smell like men and spices I'm not sure if its good or bad yet ill need a boy to confirm it

ha i just wrote something which i erased right after it was umm a lil x rated so i don't think ill keep and it was personal lol don't ask cause i wont tell but it was something good to know

when u buy crack do u say i would like one crack please or like i want some crack you know the regular amount for one person I've been asking a lot of crack question lately (i dont want any crack)

I've been feeling really weird lately i Wonder if there's something wrong with me

i want to move to las Vegas i don't know why I've just been having these random fantasies of me just leaving one night and going to las Vegas and staying

I've been praying a lot lately for lots of things and sometimes just talking I'm not even really sure who I'm praying to i just kinda like to be able to feel like someone is listening to me i don't know i may be starting to believe in some kinda god its like as things get worse i believe more idk as i feel more alone i guess god becomes more prominent in my life

i cant wait for Halloween i hope it doesn't suck



song I'm listening to : summertime- brianna taylor

quote of the day: Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down

old fashion candy corn

I'm eating candy corn inspired my title and drinking vitamin water (new obsession) such a wonderful combo

any hoo I'm also writing on two online blogs the other i hope no one ever reads its a lot more insecure so just a lot of random new Internet friends read it and comment things like "girl i understand that's exactly my life" any hoo I'm also rhyming

hooray I'm a multi-tasker I'm listening to music too but yeah I'm rhyming because i cant write like songs or poetry i only can write like a rhyming group of words lol that never really has an end
sometimes i get lucky idk

recklessness and the blues
a girl dizzy dancing in the dark
sexy , seductive
foolish , insane
I'm just trying to play my part

I'm the light in your nightmares
the dark in your dreams
love last forever
nothings what it seems
............................ I Hate You

drink it in
look through me
cant blame you
what was there to see
me fighting my crazy insecurity

song I'm listening to : cold hearted bitch - jet

quote of the day :
Well maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

thats ignorant no...no ..... ur ignorant

wishing for bad dreams and broken hearts , planning foolish mistakes and second starts :) just read that in my diary who know what i was thinking HA ANY WAYS

Lets seeeee today i felt extremely sleepy like i was drugged or something gosh there is something wrong with me

I'm super cold and still a lil dizzy

gosh i just asked my sister to go to the movies with me and she's all but i wanna go spend the night over kwanessa house (ha kwenessa) damn i feel hoed

look at that u get close to 16 and ur too cool to hang out with ur older sister

wow why did that just make me feel like an old ass person

"that's some straight up old people shit" <-- rob and big

OMG its like October then its November then its December then its 2009 what the heck it seems like this horrid year just started

gosh u ever want to write about something but I'm still very cautious about what i put on the web

soooooo this will be about nothing nothing ever gets u in trouble

ashanta has been calling me all day i haven't answered i feel like an ass and johnica wrote me from boot camp i still haven't written back i realize now letters are too hard to write what the heck do u say

we pack and deliver like ups trucks already going to hell just pumping that gas

oh i had this dream that i was with this lady and she payed for the stuff at home depot (it was notebooks) but she handed it to me with out bags then next thing i know I'm wanted for theft and i was like hiding in the attic with some kids but they caught me :( it ended with me humping my boyfriend (some random boy i dont ) in a hall and saying how much i would miss him while im in jail :/

this conversation is dead on arrival ....well its not really a conversation

my hair is shiny and it smell according to Reese like a man i used products from the rain forest yay rain forest ppl

hold on let me check my swag ( i now like to just say this at random times as an answer to something someone asked me it usually has nothing to do with it........ it use to be wipe me down ) it started at 7 eleven me being drunk and Laura informing me that there was ice cream so i was excited and had to state hold on let me check my swag .... soulja boy inspires me (ha ha)

yeah I'm mad i didn't even eat the ice cream bar its still in Sam's freezer and i have a disposable camera with 17 pictures left shit 7eleven and drunkenness don't mix

honestly i think im going to sleep

reese just brought me a boiled egg (random ) when i use to feast like this lol i love that snickers commercial
eggs taste like ........ummmm baby i dont like them
ttyn bitches

Song im listening to : my drive thru - santogold ,nerd, and some others

Quote of the day : THESE OVARIES!!! lol ok reese wants it to be it taste like baby

love-lock-down

my head still hurts its been like a daily thing i wonder is there a problem

I'm obsessed with love lock down kanye is the best even if he is an asshole

i want my lip pierced gosh i do, don't know why i just want it

i wouldn't mind being a kindergarten teacher but i think i would ruin peoples children

i need to wash my hair gosh i don't even care :D

I'm reading wicked about the wicked witch of the west her story is very diff from wizard of oz I'm starting to think Dorthy was a bitch for throwing that water on her ...... and she killed her sister who in the story is crippled i mean yeah she becomes a powerful witch but she has no arms(her sister not the wicked witch) its weird whatever i mean I'm just saying her sister gets a house dropped on her then the bitch (Dorthy) steals her shoes off her dead feet ....... wouldn't u be mad at her also

it makes you think about evil and is evil really evil and is good really good. whats the difference anymore . i think that's the purpose of the book.

I'm done now my eyes actually hurt damn I'm just falling apart



Im not lovin you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me, all the way home
So ya never know, never never know
Never know enough, til its over love
Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin no no no, no no
I ain't lovin you, the way I wanted to
See I wanna move,
but cant escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down You keep ya love locked down, you lose

its in the stars......

la la la la la ello everyone well i was reading this about myself i guess u can say ho hum any ways some one sent it in an email i dont know what they were trying to say but i thought i would share maybe u will have a better understanding of me ..............

Love plays a most important role in the Pisces woman's life. However, it is not quite easy to love her because she always remains a little mysterious in certain ways (ha). This enigmatic side of her sign is all at the same time her charm and her drawback, because it makes it more difficult for her to melt into a loved one.

She needs a lot of affection and love, but doesn't always know how to distinguish the true from the false (its oh so hard). One can "get" her with sentiments because she's rather weak and influenceable (HEY I AM NOT). As she's very appealing to the opposite sex, she's often unintentionally become the object of love at first sight. And the passions that she once aroused in others won't calm down during their lifetimes.Very attractive, with her strange, dreamy look, she generally knows how to bring a touch of poetry, an enchanting delicacy into her love life. (oh yum)

During the first period of her love, she excels at the art of making a delicate and discreet courting, susceptible of touching the heart of the one whom she desires - on condition that she's capable of controlling her extreme shyness, which often torments her (it does soo much). Indeed, her fear of being rejected or of appearing ridiculous frequently makes her hesitate in declaring her feelings, and she needs to be encouraged. Unfortunately, she can at times have difficulty showing her love, not knowing how her secret will be accepted, thus confining herself to an unavowed and sterile passion.(omg story of my life)

In any case, she's a great romantic, her sentiments are whole and her feelings deep. There's nothing lukewarm in her - she lives her love experiences intensely, frenetically, dramatically. As a general rule, her romances are unstable or take place in confused conditions or with sudden turnovers. (ha so true) There could be several unions or marriages in the course of her life, each one capable of transforming her destiny. Living, day after day, with the chosen of her heart and making sure that her love doesn't fade, that's her most earnest desire. She needs so much to give and to receive tenderness. That's why she can't be a happy single woman!

sooo ummm gosh couldnt this be like any sign but any hoo guess im gonna get married a bunch of times and hey i am happy single .......sometime.

song im listening to: piece of my heart - janis joplin

quote of the day: A foolish heart will call on you to toss your dreams away, then turn around and blame you for the way you went astray

sex and sugar

so lets see ever felt like ha I'm just gonna laugh at everything because you don't know what else to do I'm glad i have good friends to laugh with me (well some of my friends are m.i.a umm hello i need u around )

so first my mom is now dating which is not a problem i means shes been in a un happy marriage forever so you know i guess its about time but shes dating a guy who is one married two he has a drinking problem which sometimes turns into a drug problem and three hes now in rehab he goes to rehab like every other week. so yeah shes kinda like a love sick teenager right now in a bad relationship and it feels weird giving my mom relationship advice

its also kinda annoying but i don't know if its because of the situation or because shes all in love or idk its a lot of stuff. i just don't like to be around it like gosh mother why cant u pick someone stable and idk maybe i just feel hes not good enough


so yeah since my dads been gone we kinda have been in ummm financial trouble kinda i feel like i should do something since I'm fucking 20 years old
well i think i may become a stripper like seriously i just want a bunch of money like really fast and like maybe for a couple months or something. of course my sister is like so pressuring me too (idk maybe shes sees it as a omg u are kinda like me thing ) but idk i think about it and i think like maybe if i just didn't think about it and did it idk ............

i just hate feeling like all i have to offer is my body i hate feeling like an object

omg lol my uncle shows up at my house with a girl my age and shes all "hi u guys are soo cute how old are u" and I'm like 20 and then my uncle go's she looks 13 don't she and shes like i get that a lot I'm 20 to or she may have said I'm 22 either way shes my age BLAH lol

something weird is happening to my family its just all getting crazy i don't know i want it normal again

gosh my head is like screaming at me it hurts so bad im thinking about taking a bunch of Tylenol not in a suicide way but in a i want to be drowsy way .

sooo i was reading and my new fave thing to say besides "these ovaries" is "I'm about to get balls motha fucking deep" or just balls deep (i know i know its impossible for me but soo what) any way like i was saying i was reading and this lady is all asking an advice column like me and this guy was fooling around and he was all i want to stick my balls in you and she said WHAT so he left lol so she was asking was it even possible and they said ..... yes yes it is and then they explained how i thought i would share i love reading


song I'm listening to : manic depression - jimi Hendrix

Quote of the day: Life is like the coldest winter, people freeze the tears I cry. Words of hail their minds are into, I've got to crack this ice and fly.

im just the girl all the boys want to dance with

so i feel like my blog ha blog is a weird word i always picture like an alien when i say it but that's besides the point , i feel like my blog is kinda down most of the time because for some reason i only feel like writing when I'm depressed or just not hopeful so yeah i thought i would write a list of all the things i love about myself because right now i am so self obsessed :) and plus if i don't love me who will

I love my humor i am extremely silly and i love to laugh nothing is better then laughing

i love my hair it really gets on my nerves but sometimes it looks wonderous and its extremely dark and for some reason i love the color of it. it fits me. i know some times i curse you to the depths of hell but hair i love you

i love my creativity.

i love the fact that i actually like learning. yeah mostly i like to learn about history and art and music but its still learning all the same (if only it was something useful like math)

i love that I'm not in a rush to grow up everyone else seems to be and i don't understand being young and reckless and foolish is like the best time ever

i love that i don't think like everyone else I'm glad I'm not a conformer or give in to peer pressure

i love that i have no regrets (yet)

i love that I'm forgiving i don't know it may be a problem but i think its a good thing

i love that i don't believe any thing- nope prove it nigga!

i love that I'm not a jealous person

i love that I'm extremely personal. everyone just tells everything gosh keep a lil mystery

i love that I'm a hippie at heart

i love all my flaws

i love that i know one day i will be grand :)

ha it was kinda hard writing that gosh I'm certainly
my own worse critic ;0

Song I'm listening to: XO - fall out boy

Quote of the day: When there's a shadow, you follow the sun. When there is love, then you look for the one. And for the promises, there is the sky. And for the heavens are those who can fly.

im addicted to the way i feel when i think of you

Soooo clearly i cant sleep since I'm up at 7:30 in the morning I've just had a lot on my mind for the past couple weeks. let me share with no one really :)

i miss my grandma a lot. i feel like there's so much i didn't get to talk to her about. there was so much going on around her funeral she wasn't really one of the fave people in the family for lots of reasons but she was my grandma and i loved her.

i miss feeling my dad would always be there for me no matter what. Its not just the fact that he gave me everything i wanted its that he was there. I was his first daughter so we had that bond. (yeah there's Reese but Reese has never been a warm loving type of person she more likes those who cater to her needs) i was his little girl and now it feels like he just doesn't care anymore.

i miss my dad

i miss middle school, never had so much fun and so little pressure its when i was able to just dream and believe in everything from life to love.

i miss Lauryn hill lol seriously she was who i wanted to be when i was little.

i miss moments with all my ex boyfriends. I'm not one of those people who dwells on the negative of old relationships. when i think back on boyfriends i think of everything i liked and all the moments that were just magical or so i thought at the time :)

i miss spending summers over my cousins house and having sooo much fun.

i miss knowing. i knew what high school i would go to , i knew what type of boyfriend i wanted, i knew what college i would go to, i knew what career i wanted , i knew how my life would be now i know nothing

i miss spending the night over friends houses and staying up all night making up dance routines and swooning over boy bands

i miss people who have evaporated out of my life. too many too name

i miss n*sync. people laugh when i say that but i do they were a big part of my teen years they were practically the soundtrack . i spent some of the best times of my life listening to them.

i miss having crushes. oh gosh how i hate boys but i do love a good crush ;) gosh i miss being surrounded by the best boys to have crushes on (high school boys unfortunately)

i miss you ........ Kristen

.......... soo i just thought if i wrote down all the things i keep thinking about the things i cant seem to just let be then i can get it out and move on efficiently . sooo ok now that's out time to start on something new. you know never look back stuff like that
............................................. shit i still cant sleep. and im freaking hungry

---

song I'm listening to: The (after) life of the party - fall out boy

quote of the day: Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel. As every fairy tale comes real, I've looked at love that way.

John Mayer and me

ohhhh yeah sine i have given up on real boys lol I've decided to love those who i only see on tv :) sooo I'm reading the twilight saga well i actually finished it but I'm reading it again because i love it. any hoo since i am now in super love with a fictional vampire I've decided to take a break from those books plus the movie will be out soon enough ;) BUTTTT One of my fictional lovers i could never take a break from is none other than JOHN MAYER!!! i love him he sings to me everyday. He understands me like no other guy and he thinks my body is a wonderland lol . There's just something about a man who can play the guitar oh yum yum. I understand there's an age difference but we are OK with that (you know in my head) soo yeah Ive been feeling weird and down lately and he understands. He would love me when I'm not myself :) - sings - would you love me when I'm not myself , wait it out while i am some one else. Any way I'm sorry i would just rather indulge in fantasy rather than deal with reality right now, not for any real reason that i know of right now it just feels better. sooo either me and john Mayer hook up soon (oh please pray) or ill just have to have my super wondrous day dreams while listening to all his Cd's.

---

Song I'm listening to : why Georgia why- John MAYER



Quotes of the day:(there all from john Mayer hes so smart and cute)

“Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day.”





"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's OK though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"”





So what, so I've got a smile on , But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head”



SORRY I LOVESSSSS HIM

jubilee and history :p

Sooo today as they refer to it on the news was a historical day in Detroit but not for good reasons. Is it just me or is it horrible how they treated the mayor. OK he was wrong , he lied , he was a bad mayor but that's no reason to harass someone or bully them into giving in. Its just all very childish. Yes he didn't need to be mayor but they could have handled this in a more dignified way. i just feel all this news coverage wasn't needed.

any way that just makes me very sad about the world because i believe it was only handled the way it was because he was a young , cocky black man. They didn't want him to be a good mayor anyway well maybe at first but after awhile not really. Whatever I'm not even in to politics :p !!!

Next topic lol why does everyone feel the need to talk about everyone else. Like it just seems to be becoming a tend or something and no one is perfect soooooo what the heck. why would it make you feel better to discuss another person in a negative way. Its just very annoying and draining. Idk it just feels like everything is becoming annoying. Nothing is really fun anymore because everyone is so worried about everyone else. Gosh get over yes she has on pay less shoes but does it really matter DAMN.

lol gosh maybe I'm in a bad mood i didn't even notice lol and i am craving sweets like a pregnant fat women . I'm wondering whats wrong with me. ho hum maybe its the fall. i do believe i have seasonal depression but i don't really want to find out. since my mom doesn't believe depression is a real thing.

Once you pop the fun don't stop :) I'm motivated by my pringles. YUM

why does the past seem so much better when its the past and not when its the present.

i wonder who's gonna be president! i wonder whats gonna happen to America period. i mean it can only go up i hope :)

---

Song im listening to: whats my age again - Blink 182

Quote of the day: Remedy it, or welcome it: a wise man's only two choices.

Night time thoughts through out the day

Hello there welcome tooo night time thoughts randomness I'm not even sure who i was thinking about maybe because i don't think it was just one person. I hope you enjoy :)

---

soooo untitled

Let me belong to you
I'm a clumsy mess
waiting for a break through
humble and hollow
empty inside
dizzy dancing
just along for the ride
were falling up
breaking down
damn i hate that i need you around

Foolish
"And yet to say the truth reason and love keep little company together now a days"
but even through logic i cant change the way it feels any ways
loving you was never the way to go
but when you never listen how are you suppose to know
though the minutes change to days and of course days to years
it doesn't get any harder to see you through the tears......

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Song I'm listening to: maybe -Kelly clarkson

Quote of the day:By night, an atheist half believes in God. ~Edward Young, Night Thoughts

Dont let the sun go down on me

I had an extremely fun weekend. I went to Canada with my good friend Johinca and some guys! We had fun getting lost in Canada and finally finding where we were going and then dancing all night and eating all morning lol It was just one of those perfect arriving home when the sun comes up weekends! I must say i love rum lol i think coke and rum is like the best drink in the world (just thought i would add that) . Any ways now the weekend is over and I'm feeling idk like i want life to always be extremely fun. I know there will be crap times but i want it to mostly be like that.
Gosh I'm also missing some people and its kinda bringing me down off my life high :) Ever feel like there was someone who you would have been like perfect with but some how u just didn't get to be. well I'm wondering how i have like 4 guys like that lol . I really only miss maybe two of them a lot a lot but i still think about all of them sometimes. Like would it have really went how i thought it would or like some people believe "if it was ment to happen it would have". Not that i don't believe that i just feel like maybe sometimes things that are suppose to happen need a little push from you cause u cant just do nothing and expect everything.
well any hoo I'm starting to feel like i need to be on my own like completely. I'm not sure but i think i would do better by myself. I really really want to move to London but i don't feel smart enough lol soo I'm kinda wanting to learn more before i take it too a whole other country. Its not like i would be completely alone because i do have family there but if i move i want it to be an independent move. I just picture myself in a crappy lil apartment in London being some crappy lil intern for someone who will make my career ,having some crappy lil waitress job on the side to pay rent and having sooo much fun doing it.
Oh lol i was watching one tree hill lol i know this is random but whatever and I'm extremely happy that Lucas and Payton are getting married. I feel like they should be together , i just love it when couples break up because they are foolish but then realize it and get back together. I dont know but things like that gives me hope on the whole love topic i know its just a show but that's all i have to give me hope :( It sucks when all i have are my crazy day dreams and TV shows because around me there just isn't enough love . I'm done with my random topics sooo smooches !

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Song im listening to: go go gadget flow-Lupe fiasco

Quote of the day: Sometimes the person you fall for isnt ready to catch you!

Im not Angry i Just hate you!

Heaven sent
straight to hell
I've been burning
Ever since i fell

Pick me up
put me together
I'm a optimistic pessimist
Its just a little bad weather

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Song I'm listening to: Hallelujah by Kate Vogele

quote of the day: your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle everything i do is stitched with its color. -W.S. Merwin

Love Never Wanted Me

Its late so its making me feel very lonely. i hate when i feel like this because it makes me think about pass relationships. Not really in a missing them kinda way but in a what the heck happened way. I believe I'm one of those girls who will love many times but never really be in love. You know those people that never get married " always a brides maid never a bride".

I wonder what is about me that makes me sooo forgettable or no not forgettable hmm i should say I'm more easy to get over. It always starts with some boy madly in love with me , i always get lines like " your so addictive" or "your so mysterious i just want to know everything about you" Then once i finally give in (which doesn't happen a lot ) they get over me. it happens that way every time. I don't understand like is it some kinda game or is it because i think its gonna happen it does. I'm not really sad about it i just would like to know because if that's the case ill just continue to have fun and never get too serious. Maybe its also because i don't believe in things like soul mates and happily ever after. I may be stopping myself from falling in love or not falling in love but more having a relationship (a real one). I would just like to know its not me. I just really want to be lovable and not just the girl everyone likes. Hell i don't want you to be addicted to me i want you to love me.

I don't understand what it is about me that gives off the friend with benefits vibe and not girlfriend. I get hit on a lot but yet its all ways in a i want to get to know you but then i just want to fuck way. Oh and don't even get me started on boys with girlfriends and why they absolutely love me! I've never been a long relationship but I've never had bad relationships either. Its just all so confusing. Its like "Love never wanted me but i took it any way". This shit just all makes my head hurt !

On the brighter side I'm planning a party for one of my friends birthdays. I kinda want people to come but if they don't we will have fun anyway and were going out after so that should be super! Oh not so good I'm being stalked seriously this fool keeps showing up at my house i don't even know him. He saw me walking my dog now he wont leave me alone. I think i may have to get one of my guy friends to come hang out with me all week. Gosh I feel like i should just sleep for days , i doubt i would miss anything.


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Song I'm listening to: Yummy- Gwen Stefani


Quote of the day : "To the love, I left my conscience pressed Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer "What did it ever do for me" I say It never calls me when I'm down Love never wanted me But I took it anyway Put your ear to the speaker And choose love or sympathy But never both Love never wanted me" -XO-fall out boy

remember what it feels like to be in love

naw me either *-

"i have to sink my face into someone else's heart to heal my own."

<--- from someones note> so on that note i use to like this tragic boy(the one whos note it came from) even though at the time i had a perfectly normal boyfriend but i guess he was just to normal for me. *-

i only like it when its complicated is my conclusion from the above statement especially since this boy had a girlfriend (also like most of the boys ive liked ha ha) but that was years ago moving on *- not saying i dont like un tragic boys just saying thats how i use to be lol *-

i love thursdays im not sure why but they just feel good and sundays feel peaceful the rest of the days are chaos*- today is one of my pretty days im my biggest critic of course so for me too say that makes me :) *-

"i want u to want me /i need u to need me / i'd love you to love me and im begging you to beg me " just singing that song in my head *

- i live , breath , eat , sleep (when i sleeep ) music *

- im such a drama queen sometimes because right now i do feel like life is complete crap but then again it could be way crappier.*

- right now im eating oreo cream pie yum also im putting on dr pepper lip gloss ( been using it since middle school) and of course playing music! just thought u would like to know ;)*

- i really wish i could write poetry all my friends seem to be good at it all i can do is rhyme and its not even good rhyming like lets see-- wishing for broken dreams and broken hearts planning bad mistakes and second starts..............................boooo :( *

- i only pretend to be this tragic to have something to write in my diary about im actually really normal .......i think *

- big wish - to be a singer in a band of all guys like gwen stefani back when she was in no doubt it just seem like it would be better with all guys. i like hanging out with guys *

- this guy said i was mysterious i dont know what that means. i mean i dont believe it to be true i think he just was trying to see what kinda underwear i had on *

- this has been posted before but some changes have been made also i dont care because its on facebook :*

One and Only

Hello this is indeed my first blog ! yay for me! I dont talk alot so therefore i write alot. Its just much easier to write it down then to say it. i dont really have a topic for this so im just gonna talk about myself. Me (Kristen) is a topic that i know a lot about well as much as possible theres still some stuff about me not even i understand. I do feel like lots of people think they know me but no one really does because im never the same around everyone. not saying i have different personalities but i do change how im acting depending on who im hanging out with. In no way am i being fake or pretending because its all me but i dont think anyone has seen all of me at once. I would say im a very confused person. i love a lil of everything so therfore i would say im a lil of everything. The thing thats the same around everyone is my silly side im rarely serious and when i am its only becasue i have to be. i love love love music and if i could i would be a singer ( that would also be a problem because i would want to make all kinds of music) I also love art in no way can i draw i mean i doodle but not draw any way im artistic in other ways. i hate boring i dont like labels or being put into a category. i dont like to be defined because im in no way done creating myself. life so far has been really interesting and very hmmmm unpredictable im just curious as to whats coming next and how it will affect me. all i want is to be extremely wonderful one day.

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.

im eating cookies yum yum and thinking soo im going to share with u !

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau " ****

sooo this is what i want I want the world !
i want to choose which way is up. i want to be happy even when im sad.
i want to be bad and good, i want impossible
i want to help make the world a better placei want to be able to heal with my hands my heart my words
i want everyone to feel loved , i want to feel loved i want sunshine in my hair and stars in my eyes.
i want to dance in the rain swim in the sea sleep in the clouds i want to givei want my own way i want music everywhere
i want to teach i want to learn i want to believe i want to be believed in i want everything i want to be able to say anything
i want kisses in the morning i want sex all day :) i want to be interesting i want to be beautiful i want to sparkle AND yes i do want fries with that shake ♥

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.