Im not Angry i Just hate you!

Heaven sent
straight to hell
I've been burning
Ever since i fell

Pick me up
put me together
I'm a optimistic pessimist
Its just a little bad weather

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Song I'm listening to: Hallelujah by Kate Vogele

quote of the day: your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle everything i do is stitched with its color. -W.S. Merwin

Love Never Wanted Me

Its late so its making me feel very lonely. i hate when i feel like this because it makes me think about pass relationships. Not really in a missing them kinda way but in a what the heck happened way. I believe I'm one of those girls who will love many times but never really be in love. You know those people that never get married " always a brides maid never a bride".

I wonder what is about me that makes me sooo forgettable or no not forgettable hmm i should say I'm more easy to get over. It always starts with some boy madly in love with me , i always get lines like " your so addictive" or "your so mysterious i just want to know everything about you" Then once i finally give in (which doesn't happen a lot ) they get over me. it happens that way every time. I don't understand like is it some kinda game or is it because i think its gonna happen it does. I'm not really sad about it i just would like to know because if that's the case ill just continue to have fun and never get too serious. Maybe its also because i don't believe in things like soul mates and happily ever after. I may be stopping myself from falling in love or not falling in love but more having a relationship (a real one). I would just like to know its not me. I just really want to be lovable and not just the girl everyone likes. Hell i don't want you to be addicted to me i want you to love me.

I don't understand what it is about me that gives off the friend with benefits vibe and not girlfriend. I get hit on a lot but yet its all ways in a i want to get to know you but then i just want to fuck way. Oh and don't even get me started on boys with girlfriends and why they absolutely love me! I've never been a long relationship but I've never had bad relationships either. Its just all so confusing. Its like "Love never wanted me but i took it any way". This shit just all makes my head hurt !

On the brighter side I'm planning a party for one of my friends birthdays. I kinda want people to come but if they don't we will have fun anyway and were going out after so that should be super! Oh not so good I'm being stalked seriously this fool keeps showing up at my house i don't even know him. He saw me walking my dog now he wont leave me alone. I think i may have to get one of my guy friends to come hang out with me all week. Gosh I feel like i should just sleep for days , i doubt i would miss anything.


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Song I'm listening to: Yummy- Gwen Stefani


Quote of the day : "To the love, I left my conscience pressed Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer "What did it ever do for me" I say It never calls me when I'm down Love never wanted me But I took it anyway Put your ear to the speaker And choose love or sympathy But never both Love never wanted me" -XO-fall out boy

remember what it feels like to be in love

naw me either *-

"i have to sink my face into someone else's heart to heal my own."

<--- from someones note> so on that note i use to like this tragic boy(the one whos note it came from) even though at the time i had a perfectly normal boyfriend but i guess he was just to normal for me. *-

i only like it when its complicated is my conclusion from the above statement especially since this boy had a girlfriend (also like most of the boys ive liked ha ha) but that was years ago moving on *- not saying i dont like un tragic boys just saying thats how i use to be lol *-

i love thursdays im not sure why but they just feel good and sundays feel peaceful the rest of the days are chaos*- today is one of my pretty days im my biggest critic of course so for me too say that makes me :) *-

"i want u to want me /i need u to need me / i'd love you to love me and im begging you to beg me " just singing that song in my head *

- i live , breath , eat , sleep (when i sleeep ) music *

- im such a drama queen sometimes because right now i do feel like life is complete crap but then again it could be way crappier.*

- right now im eating oreo cream pie yum also im putting on dr pepper lip gloss ( been using it since middle school) and of course playing music! just thought u would like to know ;)*

- i really wish i could write poetry all my friends seem to be good at it all i can do is rhyme and its not even good rhyming like lets see-- wishing for broken dreams and broken hearts planning bad mistakes and second starts..............................boooo :( *

- i only pretend to be this tragic to have something to write in my diary about im actually really normal .......i think *

- big wish - to be a singer in a band of all guys like gwen stefani back when she was in no doubt it just seem like it would be better with all guys. i like hanging out with guys *

- this guy said i was mysterious i dont know what that means. i mean i dont believe it to be true i think he just was trying to see what kinda underwear i had on *

- this has been posted before but some changes have been made also i dont care because its on facebook :*

One and Only

Hello this is indeed my first blog ! yay for me! I dont talk alot so therefore i write alot. Its just much easier to write it down then to say it. i dont really have a topic for this so im just gonna talk about myself. Me (Kristen) is a topic that i know a lot about well as much as possible theres still some stuff about me not even i understand. I do feel like lots of people think they know me but no one really does because im never the same around everyone. not saying i have different personalities but i do change how im acting depending on who im hanging out with. In no way am i being fake or pretending because its all me but i dont think anyone has seen all of me at once. I would say im a very confused person. i love a lil of everything so therfore i would say im a lil of everything. The thing thats the same around everyone is my silly side im rarely serious and when i am its only becasue i have to be. i love love love music and if i could i would be a singer ( that would also be a problem because i would want to make all kinds of music) I also love art in no way can i draw i mean i doodle but not draw any way im artistic in other ways. i hate boring i dont like labels or being put into a category. i dont like to be defined because im in no way done creating myself. life so far has been really interesting and very hmmmm unpredictable im just curious as to whats coming next and how it will affect me. all i want is to be extremely wonderful one day.

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.

im eating cookies yum yum and thinking soo im going to share with u !

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau " ****

sooo this is what i want I want the world !
i want to choose which way is up. i want to be happy even when im sad.
i want to be bad and good, i want impossible
i want to help make the world a better placei want to be able to heal with my hands my heart my words
i want everyone to feel loved , i want to feel loved i want sunshine in my hair and stars in my eyes.
i want to dance in the rain swim in the sea sleep in the clouds i want to givei want my own way i want music everywhere
i want to teach i want to learn i want to believe i want to be believed in i want everything i want to be able to say anything
i want kisses in the morning i want sex all day :) i want to be interesting i want to be beautiful i want to sparkle AND yes i do want fries with that shake ♥

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.