love-lock-down

my head still hurts its been like a daily thing i wonder is there a problem

I'm obsessed with love lock down kanye is the best even if he is an asshole

i want my lip pierced gosh i do, don't know why i just want it

i wouldn't mind being a kindergarten teacher but i think i would ruin peoples children

i need to wash my hair gosh i don't even care :D

I'm reading wicked about the wicked witch of the west her story is very diff from wizard of oz I'm starting to think Dorthy was a bitch for throwing that water on her ...... and she killed her sister who in the story is crippled i mean yeah she becomes a powerful witch but she has no arms(her sister not the wicked witch) its weird whatever i mean I'm just saying her sister gets a house dropped on her then the bitch (Dorthy) steals her shoes off her dead feet ....... wouldn't u be mad at her also

it makes you think about evil and is evil really evil and is good really good. whats the difference anymore . i think that's the purpose of the book.

I'm done now my eyes actually hurt damn I'm just falling apart



Im not lovin you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me, all the way home
So ya never know, never never know
Never know enough, til its over love
Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin no no no, no no
I ain't lovin you, the way I wanted to
See I wanna move,
but cant escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down You keep ya love locked down, you lose

its in the stars......

la la la la la ello everyone well i was reading this about myself i guess u can say ho hum any ways some one sent it in an email i dont know what they were trying to say but i thought i would share maybe u will have a better understanding of me ..............

Love plays a most important role in the Pisces woman's life. However, it is not quite easy to love her because she always remains a little mysterious in certain ways (ha). This enigmatic side of her sign is all at the same time her charm and her drawback, because it makes it more difficult for her to melt into a loved one.

She needs a lot of affection and love, but doesn't always know how to distinguish the true from the false (its oh so hard). One can "get" her with sentiments because she's rather weak and influenceable (HEY I AM NOT). As she's very appealing to the opposite sex, she's often unintentionally become the object of love at first sight. And the passions that she once aroused in others won't calm down during their lifetimes.Very attractive, with her strange, dreamy look, she generally knows how to bring a touch of poetry, an enchanting delicacy into her love life. (oh yum)

During the first period of her love, she excels at the art of making a delicate and discreet courting, susceptible of touching the heart of the one whom she desires - on condition that she's capable of controlling her extreme shyness, which often torments her (it does soo much). Indeed, her fear of being rejected or of appearing ridiculous frequently makes her hesitate in declaring her feelings, and she needs to be encouraged. Unfortunately, she can at times have difficulty showing her love, not knowing how her secret will be accepted, thus confining herself to an unavowed and sterile passion.(omg story of my life)

In any case, she's a great romantic, her sentiments are whole and her feelings deep. There's nothing lukewarm in her - she lives her love experiences intensely, frenetically, dramatically. As a general rule, her romances are unstable or take place in confused conditions or with sudden turnovers. (ha so true) There could be several unions or marriages in the course of her life, each one capable of transforming her destiny. Living, day after day, with the chosen of her heart and making sure that her love doesn't fade, that's her most earnest desire. She needs so much to give and to receive tenderness. That's why she can't be a happy single woman!

sooo ummm gosh couldnt this be like any sign but any hoo guess im gonna get married a bunch of times and hey i am happy single .......sometime.

song im listening to: piece of my heart - janis joplin

quote of the day: A foolish heart will call on you to toss your dreams away, then turn around and blame you for the way you went astray

sex and sugar

so lets see ever felt like ha I'm just gonna laugh at everything because you don't know what else to do I'm glad i have good friends to laugh with me (well some of my friends are m.i.a umm hello i need u around )

so first my mom is now dating which is not a problem i means shes been in a un happy marriage forever so you know i guess its about time but shes dating a guy who is one married two he has a drinking problem which sometimes turns into a drug problem and three hes now in rehab he goes to rehab like every other week. so yeah shes kinda like a love sick teenager right now in a bad relationship and it feels weird giving my mom relationship advice

its also kinda annoying but i don't know if its because of the situation or because shes all in love or idk its a lot of stuff. i just don't like to be around it like gosh mother why cant u pick someone stable and idk maybe i just feel hes not good enough


so yeah since my dads been gone we kinda have been in ummm financial trouble kinda i feel like i should do something since I'm fucking 20 years old
well i think i may become a stripper like seriously i just want a bunch of money like really fast and like maybe for a couple months or something. of course my sister is like so pressuring me too (idk maybe shes sees it as a omg u are kinda like me thing ) but idk i think about it and i think like maybe if i just didn't think about it and did it idk ............

i just hate feeling like all i have to offer is my body i hate feeling like an object

omg lol my uncle shows up at my house with a girl my age and shes all "hi u guys are soo cute how old are u" and I'm like 20 and then my uncle go's she looks 13 don't she and shes like i get that a lot I'm 20 to or she may have said I'm 22 either way shes my age BLAH lol

something weird is happening to my family its just all getting crazy i don't know i want it normal again

gosh my head is like screaming at me it hurts so bad im thinking about taking a bunch of Tylenol not in a suicide way but in a i want to be drowsy way .

sooo i was reading and my new fave thing to say besides "these ovaries" is "I'm about to get balls motha fucking deep" or just balls deep (i know i know its impossible for me but soo what) any way like i was saying i was reading and this lady is all asking an advice column like me and this guy was fooling around and he was all i want to stick my balls in you and she said WHAT so he left lol so she was asking was it even possible and they said ..... yes yes it is and then they explained how i thought i would share i love reading


song I'm listening to : manic depression - jimi Hendrix

Quote of the day: Life is like the coldest winter, people freeze the tears I cry. Words of hail their minds are into, I've got to crack this ice and fly.

im just the girl all the boys want to dance with

so i feel like my blog ha blog is a weird word i always picture like an alien when i say it but that's besides the point , i feel like my blog is kinda down most of the time because for some reason i only feel like writing when I'm depressed or just not hopeful so yeah i thought i would write a list of all the things i love about myself because right now i am so self obsessed :) and plus if i don't love me who will

I love my humor i am extremely silly and i love to laugh nothing is better then laughing

i love my hair it really gets on my nerves but sometimes it looks wonderous and its extremely dark and for some reason i love the color of it. it fits me. i know some times i curse you to the depths of hell but hair i love you

i love my creativity.

i love the fact that i actually like learning. yeah mostly i like to learn about history and art and music but its still learning all the same (if only it was something useful like math)

i love that I'm not in a rush to grow up everyone else seems to be and i don't understand being young and reckless and foolish is like the best time ever

i love that i don't think like everyone else I'm glad I'm not a conformer or give in to peer pressure

i love that i have no regrets (yet)

i love that I'm forgiving i don't know it may be a problem but i think its a good thing

i love that i don't believe any thing- nope prove it nigga!

i love that I'm not a jealous person

i love that I'm extremely personal. everyone just tells everything gosh keep a lil mystery

i love that I'm a hippie at heart

i love all my flaws

i love that i know one day i will be grand :)

ha it was kinda hard writing that gosh I'm certainly
my own worse critic ;0

Song I'm listening to: XO - fall out boy

Quote of the day: When there's a shadow, you follow the sun. When there is love, then you look for the one. And for the promises, there is the sky. And for the heavens are those who can fly.

im addicted to the way i feel when i think of you

Soooo clearly i cant sleep since I'm up at 7:30 in the morning I've just had a lot on my mind for the past couple weeks. let me share with no one really :)

i miss my grandma a lot. i feel like there's so much i didn't get to talk to her about. there was so much going on around her funeral she wasn't really one of the fave people in the family for lots of reasons but she was my grandma and i loved her.

i miss feeling my dad would always be there for me no matter what. Its not just the fact that he gave me everything i wanted its that he was there. I was his first daughter so we had that bond. (yeah there's Reese but Reese has never been a warm loving type of person she more likes those who cater to her needs) i was his little girl and now it feels like he just doesn't care anymore.

i miss my dad

i miss middle school, never had so much fun and so little pressure its when i was able to just dream and believe in everything from life to love.

i miss Lauryn hill lol seriously she was who i wanted to be when i was little.

i miss moments with all my ex boyfriends. I'm not one of those people who dwells on the negative of old relationships. when i think back on boyfriends i think of everything i liked and all the moments that were just magical or so i thought at the time :)

i miss spending summers over my cousins house and having sooo much fun.

i miss knowing. i knew what high school i would go to , i knew what type of boyfriend i wanted, i knew what college i would go to, i knew what career i wanted , i knew how my life would be now i know nothing

i miss spending the night over friends houses and staying up all night making up dance routines and swooning over boy bands

i miss people who have evaporated out of my life. too many too name

i miss n*sync. people laugh when i say that but i do they were a big part of my teen years they were practically the soundtrack . i spent some of the best times of my life listening to them.

i miss having crushes. oh gosh how i hate boys but i do love a good crush ;) gosh i miss being surrounded by the best boys to have crushes on (high school boys unfortunately)

i miss you ........ Kristen

.......... soo i just thought if i wrote down all the things i keep thinking about the things i cant seem to just let be then i can get it out and move on efficiently . sooo ok now that's out time to start on something new. you know never look back stuff like that
............................................. shit i still cant sleep. and im freaking hungry

---

song I'm listening to: The (after) life of the party - fall out boy

quote of the day: Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel. As every fairy tale comes real, I've looked at love that way.

John Mayer and me

ohhhh yeah sine i have given up on real boys lol I've decided to love those who i only see on tv :) sooo I'm reading the twilight saga well i actually finished it but I'm reading it again because i love it. any hoo since i am now in super love with a fictional vampire I've decided to take a break from those books plus the movie will be out soon enough ;) BUTTTT One of my fictional lovers i could never take a break from is none other than JOHN MAYER!!! i love him he sings to me everyday. He understands me like no other guy and he thinks my body is a wonderland lol . There's just something about a man who can play the guitar oh yum yum. I understand there's an age difference but we are OK with that (you know in my head) soo yeah Ive been feeling weird and down lately and he understands. He would love me when I'm not myself :) - sings - would you love me when I'm not myself , wait it out while i am some one else. Any way I'm sorry i would just rather indulge in fantasy rather than deal with reality right now, not for any real reason that i know of right now it just feels better. sooo either me and john Mayer hook up soon (oh please pray) or ill just have to have my super wondrous day dreams while listening to all his Cd's.

---

Song I'm listening to : why Georgia why- John MAYER



Quotes of the day:(there all from john Mayer hes so smart and cute)

“Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day.”





"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's OK though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"”





So what, so I've got a smile on , But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head”



SORRY I LOVESSSSS HIM

jubilee and history :p

Sooo today as they refer to it on the news was a historical day in Detroit but not for good reasons. Is it just me or is it horrible how they treated the mayor. OK he was wrong , he lied , he was a bad mayor but that's no reason to harass someone or bully them into giving in. Its just all very childish. Yes he didn't need to be mayor but they could have handled this in a more dignified way. i just feel all this news coverage wasn't needed.

any way that just makes me very sad about the world because i believe it was only handled the way it was because he was a young , cocky black man. They didn't want him to be a good mayor anyway well maybe at first but after awhile not really. Whatever I'm not even in to politics :p !!!

Next topic lol why does everyone feel the need to talk about everyone else. Like it just seems to be becoming a tend or something and no one is perfect soooooo what the heck. why would it make you feel better to discuss another person in a negative way. Its just very annoying and draining. Idk it just feels like everything is becoming annoying. Nothing is really fun anymore because everyone is so worried about everyone else. Gosh get over yes she has on pay less shoes but does it really matter DAMN.

lol gosh maybe I'm in a bad mood i didn't even notice lol and i am craving sweets like a pregnant fat women . I'm wondering whats wrong with me. ho hum maybe its the fall. i do believe i have seasonal depression but i don't really want to find out. since my mom doesn't believe depression is a real thing.

Once you pop the fun don't stop :) I'm motivated by my pringles. YUM

why does the past seem so much better when its the past and not when its the present.

i wonder who's gonna be president! i wonder whats gonna happen to America period. i mean it can only go up i hope :)

---

Song im listening to: whats my age again - Blink 182

Quote of the day: Remedy it, or welcome it: a wise man's only two choices.

Night time thoughts through out the day

Hello there welcome tooo night time thoughts randomness I'm not even sure who i was thinking about maybe because i don't think it was just one person. I hope you enjoy :)

---

soooo untitled

Let me belong to you
I'm a clumsy mess
waiting for a break through
humble and hollow
empty inside
dizzy dancing
just along for the ride
were falling up
breaking down
damn i hate that i need you around

Foolish
"And yet to say the truth reason and love keep little company together now a days"
but even through logic i cant change the way it feels any ways
loving you was never the way to go
but when you never listen how are you suppose to know
though the minutes change to days and of course days to years
it doesn't get any harder to see you through the tears......

---

Song I'm listening to: maybe -Kelly clarkson

Quote of the day:By night, an atheist half believes in God. ~Edward Young, Night Thoughts

Dont let the sun go down on me

I had an extremely fun weekend. I went to Canada with my good friend Johinca and some guys! We had fun getting lost in Canada and finally finding where we were going and then dancing all night and eating all morning lol It was just one of those perfect arriving home when the sun comes up weekends! I must say i love rum lol i think coke and rum is like the best drink in the world (just thought i would add that) . Any ways now the weekend is over and I'm feeling idk like i want life to always be extremely fun. I know there will be crap times but i want it to mostly be like that.
Gosh I'm also missing some people and its kinda bringing me down off my life high :) Ever feel like there was someone who you would have been like perfect with but some how u just didn't get to be. well I'm wondering how i have like 4 guys like that lol . I really only miss maybe two of them a lot a lot but i still think about all of them sometimes. Like would it have really went how i thought it would or like some people believe "if it was ment to happen it would have". Not that i don't believe that i just feel like maybe sometimes things that are suppose to happen need a little push from you cause u cant just do nothing and expect everything.
well any hoo I'm starting to feel like i need to be on my own like completely. I'm not sure but i think i would do better by myself. I really really want to move to London but i don't feel smart enough lol soo I'm kinda wanting to learn more before i take it too a whole other country. Its not like i would be completely alone because i do have family there but if i move i want it to be an independent move. I just picture myself in a crappy lil apartment in London being some crappy lil intern for someone who will make my career ,having some crappy lil waitress job on the side to pay rent and having sooo much fun doing it.
Oh lol i was watching one tree hill lol i know this is random but whatever and I'm extremely happy that Lucas and Payton are getting married. I feel like they should be together , i just love it when couples break up because they are foolish but then realize it and get back together. I dont know but things like that gives me hope on the whole love topic i know its just a show but that's all i have to give me hope :( It sucks when all i have are my crazy day dreams and TV shows because around me there just isn't enough love . I'm done with my random topics sooo smooches !

---

Song im listening to: go go gadget flow-Lupe fiasco

Quote of the day: Sometimes the person you fall for isnt ready to catch you!