I dont know

I'm clumsy

very clumsy as a matter of fact

i broke a wine glass yesterday while cleaning the table.

I'm weird as I'm sure you can tell .......

i have lots of secrets ,use to be a protection thing when i was little (i was very different but didn't want anyone to know) now its just a habit and kinda fun.

I'm very comfortable with who i am

and don't think i could change for anyone else unless i really wanted to.

i hate Wednesdays ,love Thursdays and Sunday

every other day is just a day

I'm kind of a day to day person i don't like to plan

it makes me anxious

i don't like to lie I'll just not answer

i feel if i lie then I'll be misunderstood

i hate to be misunderstood

..................................................................

so far i like you...... right...... but I'm not sure ill ever be good at being a

"GIRLFRIEND"

yuck even the word makes me cringe

i hate labels

I'm sorry to say it doesn't get any easier with me

i don't force things if it happens it happens

i cant explain exactly how i feel about you

becauseeeeee I'm not sure yet

when i figure it out

you will be the first to know:)

sex and sugar

so lets see ever felt like ha I'm just gonna laugh at everything because you don't know what else to do I'm glad i have good friends to laugh with me (well some of my friends are m.i.a umm hello i need u around )

so first my mom is now dating which is not a problem i means shes been in a un happy marriage forever so you know i guess its about time but shes dating a guy who is one married two he has a drinking problem which sometimes turns into a drug problem and three hes now in rehab he goes to rehab like every other week. so yeah shes kinda like a love sick teenager right now in a bad relationship and it feels weird giving my mom relationship advice

its also kinda annoying but i don't know if its because of the situation or because shes all in love or idk its a lot of stuff. i just don't like to be around it like gosh mother why cant u pick someone stable and idk maybe i just feel hes not good enough


so yeah since my dads been gone we kinda have been in ummm financial trouble kinda i feel like i should do something since I'm fucking 20 years old
well i think i may become a stripper like seriously i just want a bunch of money like really fast and like maybe for a couple months or something. of course my sister is like so pressuring me too (idk maybe shes sees it as a omg u are kinda like me thing ) but idk i think about it and i think like maybe if i just didn't think about it and did it idk ............

i just hate feeling like all i have to offer is my body i hate feeling like an object

omg lol my uncle shows up at my house with a girl my age and shes all "hi u guys are soo cute how old are u" and I'm like 20 and then my uncle go's she looks 13 don't she and shes like i get that a lot I'm 20 to or she may have said I'm 22 either way shes my age BLAH lol

something weird is happening to my family its just all getting crazy i don't know i want it normal again

gosh my head is like screaming at me it hurts so bad im thinking about taking a bunch of Tylenol not in a suicide way but in a i want to be drowsy way .

sooo i was reading and my new fave thing to say besides "these ovaries" is "I'm about to get balls motha fucking deep" or just balls deep (i know i know its impossible for me but soo what) any way like i was saying i was reading and this lady is all asking an advice column like me and this guy was fooling around and he was all i want to stick my balls in you and she said WHAT so he left lol so she was asking was it even possible and they said ..... yes yes it is and then they explained how i thought i would share i love reading


song I'm listening to : manic depression - jimi Hendrix

Quote of the day: Life is like the coldest winter, people freeze the tears I cry. Words of hail their minds are into, I've got to crack this ice and fly.

Im not Angry i Just hate you!

Heaven sent
straight to hell
I've been burning
Ever since i fell

Pick me up
put me together
I'm a optimistic pessimist
Its just a little bad weather

---

Song I'm listening to: Hallelujah by Kate Vogele

quote of the day: your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle everything i do is stitched with its color. -W.S. Merwin