cold hard b@*#h

Hello im sitting here cold, angry, hungry and did i mention cold and oh yeah a lil drowsy its like ok ive been sleeping a lot but yet im still sleepy it sucks ass

ive also been eating yogurt its like good but while im eating it im like super grossed out cause its yogurt

"love is not a victory march its a cold and its a broken hallelujah"

i'm a little hating guys right now no no a lot ha maybe because i dont know, of how they treat me or the things they say which if u were and outsider looking in u would think whats the problem they all seem to like u and be very nice about it BUT noooo i know when its just sex u want from me and excuse me sir but i dont like to be viewed as just a sex object (not all the time ha)

why dont boys just say things like i would really like to have sex with you and nothing else because of course i would be like how dare u gosh lol but i would appreciate it more than all this empty conversation filled with empty words. its just all a waste of time and i already know what u want and i know if im gonna give it to u or not so shit leave me alone

Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting, give me
Cold hard bitch
She was shakin' her hips
That's all that I need

hmm since my music is soo random right now breath is on so its kinda calming me down but yet its making me feel sad but now n.e.r.d is on so im ok and maybe want to do drugs ha music is so powerful

now staind its been a while is on hmm which is making me wonder does any of my ex boyfriends (the ones that matter) ok no all of them ha do they ever miss me because i would like to be missed. you know i want to be the inspirational type that gets songs wrote about her and stuff

i need to be washing clothes and eating maybe and picking out what im gonna wear tomorrow night. or maybe i'll just go back to sleep

song im listening to: got til its gone-janet jackson

Quote of the day : she is not thee kind of girl who likes to tell the world about the way she feels about herself

dont look away baby................its only life

I watched across the universe today (its a movie/ musical set in the 60's about two people who fall in love all the songs are Beatles songs) it was awesome lol well i mean i love musicals and the Beatles you know once they started doing drugs but any hoo it made me feel wonderous (for a second)

like yeah life is gonna suck but all u need is love and good friends ...........................

hmmm its so hard sometimes i want to just give up on trying to reach this life i dream about and just go to college get some stupid degree and work in a cubicle forever
u know have some crappy love less marriage with kids i can hardly see because I'm always at work while living in some suburb

I'm just wondering is living suppose to be enjoyable all the time or is it just chasing these highs that result in unbelievable lows. that's how it feels now like the years haven't been good years but just these amazing sparks of time surrounded by darkness

I guess that's why the hippie movement ended because what they wanted was not attainable in such a dark and destructive world like even if no one else is trying to kill your dream u might just do it on your own

it makes me not want to have kids because i would never want them to feel like life wasn't full of attainable hopes and dreams

I'm not saying my dream isn't able to become reality but will it even be worth it when we struggle and try so hard to get there and then we realize we didn't enjoy more than a few seconds of life

it all just seems so hopeless sometimes ............. but like if i dont try if i dont have some kinda hope then maybe i wont really be alive


Across the universe -The beatles
Words are flying out
like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love
which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

easy like sunday morning

Its Saturday and I'm sitting in my wonderfully warm robe and watching atl (its on bet) i don't know i felt the need to ramble and my diary only has two pages before its done :( I'm saving them for something good like when i finally stop being stupid or something

i was at target earlier and omg i saw the cutest boy :) i miss those days when u were like omg he is hot then u follow him around school for weeks with your friends or was that just me.......... any way yeah it almost made me want to get a job at target but i can picture us like making out in the toy section and then me getting in trouble I'm not sure that's a bad thing

GOSH he wassss extremely cute though yay for target but my mom ,while i was in the middle of day dreaming about him as he walked towards me in slow motion ;) said oh he looks like your ex boyfriend (referring to Brandon) which i got offensive and said omg no he doesn't u think everyone looks like him (lately like every random boy on TV or on the streets looks like Brandon to her which she has to then inform me GOSH )

He looked nothing like him so i thought but ho hum moving on

things Ive learned lately

candy corn + bread sticks from olive garden = bologna taste in your mouth = not good

rain forest products will make your hair smell like men and spices I'm not sure if its good or bad yet ill need a boy to confirm it

ha i just wrote something which i erased right after it was umm a lil x rated so i don't think ill keep and it was personal lol don't ask cause i wont tell but it was something good to know

when u buy crack do u say i would like one crack please or like i want some crack you know the regular amount for one person I've been asking a lot of crack question lately (i dont want any crack)

I've been feeling really weird lately i Wonder if there's something wrong with me

i want to move to las Vegas i don't know why I've just been having these random fantasies of me just leaving one night and going to las Vegas and staying

I've been praying a lot lately for lots of things and sometimes just talking I'm not even really sure who I'm praying to i just kinda like to be able to feel like someone is listening to me i don't know i may be starting to believe in some kinda god its like as things get worse i believe more idk as i feel more alone i guess god becomes more prominent in my life

i cant wait for Halloween i hope it doesn't suck



song I'm listening to : summertime- brianna taylor

quote of the day: Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down

old fashion candy corn

I'm eating candy corn inspired my title and drinking vitamin water (new obsession) such a wonderful combo

any hoo I'm also writing on two online blogs the other i hope no one ever reads its a lot more insecure so just a lot of random new Internet friends read it and comment things like "girl i understand that's exactly my life" any hoo I'm also rhyming

hooray I'm a multi-tasker I'm listening to music too but yeah I'm rhyming because i cant write like songs or poetry i only can write like a rhyming group of words lol that never really has an end
sometimes i get lucky idk

recklessness and the blues
a girl dizzy dancing in the dark
sexy , seductive
foolish , insane
I'm just trying to play my part

I'm the light in your nightmares
the dark in your dreams
love last forever
nothings what it seems
............................ I Hate You

drink it in
look through me
cant blame you
what was there to see
me fighting my crazy insecurity

song I'm listening to : cold hearted bitch - jet

quote of the day :
Well maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah