dont look away baby................its only life

I watched across the universe today (its a movie/ musical set in the 60's about two people who fall in love all the songs are Beatles songs) it was awesome lol well i mean i love musicals and the Beatles you know once they started doing drugs but any hoo it made me feel wonderous (for a second)

like yeah life is gonna suck but all u need is love and good friends ...........................

hmmm its so hard sometimes i want to just give up on trying to reach this life i dream about and just go to college get some stupid degree and work in a cubicle forever
u know have some crappy love less marriage with kids i can hardly see because I'm always at work while living in some suburb

I'm just wondering is living suppose to be enjoyable all the time or is it just chasing these highs that result in unbelievable lows. that's how it feels now like the years haven't been good years but just these amazing sparks of time surrounded by darkness

I guess that's why the hippie movement ended because what they wanted was not attainable in such a dark and destructive world like even if no one else is trying to kill your dream u might just do it on your own

it makes me not want to have kids because i would never want them to feel like life wasn't full of attainable hopes and dreams

I'm not saying my dream isn't able to become reality but will it even be worth it when we struggle and try so hard to get there and then we realize we didn't enjoy more than a few seconds of life

it all just seems so hopeless sometimes ............. but like if i dont try if i dont have some kinda hope then maybe i wont really be alive


Across the universe -The beatles
Words are flying out
like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love
which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

love-lock-down

my head still hurts its been like a daily thing i wonder is there a problem

I'm obsessed with love lock down kanye is the best even if he is an asshole

i want my lip pierced gosh i do, don't know why i just want it

i wouldn't mind being a kindergarten teacher but i think i would ruin peoples children

i need to wash my hair gosh i don't even care :D

I'm reading wicked about the wicked witch of the west her story is very diff from wizard of oz I'm starting to think Dorthy was a bitch for throwing that water on her ...... and she killed her sister who in the story is crippled i mean yeah she becomes a powerful witch but she has no arms(her sister not the wicked witch) its weird whatever i mean I'm just saying her sister gets a house dropped on her then the bitch (Dorthy) steals her shoes off her dead feet ....... wouldn't u be mad at her also

it makes you think about evil and is evil really evil and is good really good. whats the difference anymore . i think that's the purpose of the book.

I'm done now my eyes actually hurt damn I'm just falling apart



Im not lovin you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me, all the way home
So ya never know, never never know
Never know enough, til its over love
Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin no no no, no no
I ain't lovin you, the way I wanted to
See I wanna move,
but cant escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know
So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down So keep ya love locked down, ya love locked down You keep ya love locked down, you lose

its in the stars......

la la la la la ello everyone well i was reading this about myself i guess u can say ho hum any ways some one sent it in an email i dont know what they were trying to say but i thought i would share maybe u will have a better understanding of me ..............

Love plays a most important role in the Pisces woman's life. However, it is not quite easy to love her because she always remains a little mysterious in certain ways (ha). This enigmatic side of her sign is all at the same time her charm and her drawback, because it makes it more difficult for her to melt into a loved one.

She needs a lot of affection and love, but doesn't always know how to distinguish the true from the false (its oh so hard). One can "get" her with sentiments because she's rather weak and influenceable (HEY I AM NOT). As she's very appealing to the opposite sex, she's often unintentionally become the object of love at first sight. And the passions that she once aroused in others won't calm down during their lifetimes.Very attractive, with her strange, dreamy look, she generally knows how to bring a touch of poetry, an enchanting delicacy into her love life. (oh yum)

During the first period of her love, she excels at the art of making a delicate and discreet courting, susceptible of touching the heart of the one whom she desires - on condition that she's capable of controlling her extreme shyness, which often torments her (it does soo much). Indeed, her fear of being rejected or of appearing ridiculous frequently makes her hesitate in declaring her feelings, and she needs to be encouraged. Unfortunately, she can at times have difficulty showing her love, not knowing how her secret will be accepted, thus confining herself to an unavowed and sterile passion.(omg story of my life)

In any case, she's a great romantic, her sentiments are whole and her feelings deep. There's nothing lukewarm in her - she lives her love experiences intensely, frenetically, dramatically. As a general rule, her romances are unstable or take place in confused conditions or with sudden turnovers. (ha so true) There could be several unions or marriages in the course of her life, each one capable of transforming her destiny. Living, day after day, with the chosen of her heart and making sure that her love doesn't fade, that's her most earnest desire. She needs so much to give and to receive tenderness. That's why she can't be a happy single woman!

sooo ummm gosh couldnt this be like any sign but any hoo guess im gonna get married a bunch of times and hey i am happy single .......sometime.

song im listening to: piece of my heart - janis joplin

quote of the day: A foolish heart will call on you to toss your dreams away, then turn around and blame you for the way you went astray

Love Never Wanted Me

Its late so its making me feel very lonely. i hate when i feel like this because it makes me think about pass relationships. Not really in a missing them kinda way but in a what the heck happened way. I believe I'm one of those girls who will love many times but never really be in love. You know those people that never get married " always a brides maid never a bride".

I wonder what is about me that makes me sooo forgettable or no not forgettable hmm i should say I'm more easy to get over. It always starts with some boy madly in love with me , i always get lines like " your so addictive" or "your so mysterious i just want to know everything about you" Then once i finally give in (which doesn't happen a lot ) they get over me. it happens that way every time. I don't understand like is it some kinda game or is it because i think its gonna happen it does. I'm not really sad about it i just would like to know because if that's the case ill just continue to have fun and never get too serious. Maybe its also because i don't believe in things like soul mates and happily ever after. I may be stopping myself from falling in love or not falling in love but more having a relationship (a real one). I would just like to know its not me. I just really want to be lovable and not just the girl everyone likes. Hell i don't want you to be addicted to me i want you to love me.

I don't understand what it is about me that gives off the friend with benefits vibe and not girlfriend. I get hit on a lot but yet its all ways in a i want to get to know you but then i just want to fuck way. Oh and don't even get me started on boys with girlfriends and why they absolutely love me! I've never been a long relationship but I've never had bad relationships either. Its just all so confusing. Its like "Love never wanted me but i took it any way". This shit just all makes my head hurt !

On the brighter side I'm planning a party for one of my friends birthdays. I kinda want people to come but if they don't we will have fun anyway and were going out after so that should be super! Oh not so good I'm being stalked seriously this fool keeps showing up at my house i don't even know him. He saw me walking my dog now he wont leave me alone. I think i may have to get one of my guy friends to come hang out with me all week. Gosh I feel like i should just sleep for days , i doubt i would miss anything.


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Song I'm listening to: Yummy- Gwen Stefani


Quote of the day : "To the love, I left my conscience pressed Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer "What did it ever do for me" I say It never calls me when I'm down Love never wanted me But I took it anyway Put your ear to the speaker And choose love or sympathy But never both Love never wanted me" -XO-fall out boy

remember what it feels like to be in love

naw me either *-

"i have to sink my face into someone else's heart to heal my own."

<--- from someones note> so on that note i use to like this tragic boy(the one whos note it came from) even though at the time i had a perfectly normal boyfriend but i guess he was just to normal for me. *-

i only like it when its complicated is my conclusion from the above statement especially since this boy had a girlfriend (also like most of the boys ive liked ha ha) but that was years ago moving on *- not saying i dont like un tragic boys just saying thats how i use to be lol *-

i love thursdays im not sure why but they just feel good and sundays feel peaceful the rest of the days are chaos*- today is one of my pretty days im my biggest critic of course so for me too say that makes me :) *-

"i want u to want me /i need u to need me / i'd love you to love me and im begging you to beg me " just singing that song in my head *

- i live , breath , eat , sleep (when i sleeep ) music *

- im such a drama queen sometimes because right now i do feel like life is complete crap but then again it could be way crappier.*

- right now im eating oreo cream pie yum also im putting on dr pepper lip gloss ( been using it since middle school) and of course playing music! just thought u would like to know ;)*

- i really wish i could write poetry all my friends seem to be good at it all i can do is rhyme and its not even good rhyming like lets see-- wishing for broken dreams and broken hearts planning bad mistakes and second starts..............................boooo :( *

- i only pretend to be this tragic to have something to write in my diary about im actually really normal .......i think *

- big wish - to be a singer in a band of all guys like gwen stefani back when she was in no doubt it just seem like it would be better with all guys. i like hanging out with guys *

- this guy said i was mysterious i dont know what that means. i mean i dont believe it to be true i think he just was trying to see what kinda underwear i had on *

- this has been posted before but some changes have been made also i dont care because its on facebook :*